Tastes like Chicken

Ok, kids like repetition. Remember watching Little Mermaid twenty five times in a row, and then reading “Ariel goes to School” before being tucked into your licensed character comforter in sea foam green? I rest my case.

The same goes for food. “Adeia, what do you want for lunch?” “Nuggets.” Dinner? Nuggets.

Nuggets. Nuggets. Nuggets.And no matter how sick she is of them, she won’t eat anything else. In fact, she just doesn’t really eat.

This week I put the chicken bits in the microwave, and thought I was going to puke. I am sick of nuggets. And I don’t even eat them. It’s just the smell. Mmmmm…..breaded greased chicken parts. Sick.

All this to say, we’ve debuted two new food items in the Tuma house: Quesadillas and Chicken Fries. The quesadillas were met with mixed reviews, until they were renamed: Ques-Adeias and Ques-a-Lathies.  It think it’s obvious who eats what. The chicken fries were a smash hit. They will be gone by tomorrow. Which leads me to this conclusion: Give something a new name and shape, and feed it to your kid. Suddenly it will taste better. This probably works with adults as well. In fact, I’m pretty sure that’s what the movie industry has been doing for decades…..

What to do when laryngitis strikes.

I put Adeia to bed at 8:10 tonight. After about forty minutes of complete silence, I heard a noise. A very bright, happy, toddler voice was calling me.

“Guys! I need your help!”

Of course, I ignored her. There are only so many “last drinks of water,” “afraid of the darks” and “need my blankets” that you can respond to. But she was persistant. And kind of loud. So I went in to see what she wanted, and to be all kinds of stern.

“Hi. I need your help! I lost my voice. Can you help me find it?”

Cover your…you know.

Ah, working. It’s so full of adventure I’d rather not have. Let me review the last week for you.

Last Thursday:

Eric Co-Worker: “Susan! Some guy is peeing in the drive-through!”

Me:”What!?” (runs outside)

Me: (to man zipping up pants.) “Sir, that’s COMPLETELY INAPPROPRIATE. “

Man: “What?”

Me: (pointing to wet spot while woman at drive-through window watches in horrified fascination) “THAT IS INAPPROPRIATE!!!”

Man: “Oh….yeah….” (stumble) “I … really had to go though.”

Man’s Drunken Friends: (puts hand on my arm)”Oh… dude…. he’s drunk.”

Me: “Please. Stop. Touching. Me….. Go. Now.”

So that was pretty fun, right? When i called the cops, the officer said, “So, they’re just going to conduct their business over at the Cricket Store, and then they’re going to leave.”

And I responded, “Really? Seriously? What on earth could three completely drunken cubs fans POSSIBLY have to do in an electronics store???”

Cop: “Uh….”

Yeah. That’s what I thought.

This Thursday!

Dan Co-WOrker: “Susan…. I think that man over there has been sleeping here for three hours.”

Me: “Tell him to wake up or get out.”

(repeat 2 more times)

Me: (yelling across the cafe) “SIR! OPEN YOUR EYES. YOU CANNOT SLEEP HERE. WAKE UP OR GO HOME.”

Man: (eyeroll. adjust. sleep)

Me: “NO! OPEN. YOUR. EYES.”

Man: (pulls hat down further)

Me: “Get up. Go home. Go somewhere and sleep – just not here.”

Man: “What time is it?” (slowly gets up)

Me: “9:35. Get out.”

Man: (moving towards door. pulling back of shirt down)

Me: “Uh….” (noticing that the man’s ENTIRE butt is hanging out. Trying not to double check. Weirded out.”)

Man: “When do ya’ll open tomorrow?”

Dan Co-Worker: “5 am”

Me: “OUT”

Yes, this happened. I was very scarred. Not scared….scarred: my eyes were in pain. And now my neck is in a LOT of pain – it totally froze up right after that.  The best part is that the man then garbage picked a cigarette butt, and then in a completely unrelated incident, two men almost broke out in a fight. Why does everyone want to live at my store?

AAAAAAHHHHHH!

You’ve got to love public parks. Sunshine, swings, other kids, contact with the outside world… and subtle competition between parents. “Oh no, Johnny doesn’t watch Thomas. I only let him watch 10 minutes of TV a day, and then we work on flash-cards for an hour and eat sugarless organic tofu cookies.” Yes. I’m sure you do.

Anyway, the park we happened to be at has many pseudo-educational aspects: a dino dig, alphabet tic tac toe, and some sort of complicated pulley system that I haven’t quite figured out yet. Pretty cool, right? Un fortunately, it also has some aspects that are a little… too educational. Like the Tunnel. Here’s what I mean:

“Adeia! Look! Let’s go through the tunnel!”
“Ok Daddy! Oh, look, letters! I can read them: ‘F’…. ‘C’… ‘K!’”
“Uh… that’s…. right… Good reading, Adeia! Hey, I know! Let’s get out of the tunnel now.”

At least she didn’t ask what it spelled.